


Nothing breaks like a heart

by kimi_hana



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Mental Health Issues, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimi_hana/pseuds/kimi_hana
Summary: Arthur begins his descent into madness.You can't save him. And you won't.Inspired by Mark Ronson ft. Miley Cyrus- "Nothing breaks like a heart"
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Reader, Arthur Fleck/You, Joker/Reader, Joker/You
Kudos: 12





	Nothing breaks like a heart

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, I'm missing my boy so much. So, here we are, seeing as I came to school 4 hours early because I forgot I had no classes.
> 
> I hadn't planned for this to become a multiple chapter thing but for now, I'll see if it works better as a multichapter fic or a one-shot. I'm hoping I can fit this into one chapter, though.
> 
> Anyway, I would highly recommend listening to "Nothing breaks like a heart" and maybe put it on loop while you read. I think it really sets the tone for this fic.

"I love you," you whispered into the phone.

"Love you too." Came his hushed reply. You put the receiver down and sighed heavily. Lifting your hand to your head, you brushed it upwards your face and pushed your hair back. As you ran a hand through your hair, you couldn't help but wonder:

How did things turn out like this?

-

You had been drawn to him almost immediately when your eyes had first landed on his form. He was hunched over his table at the Diner, mumbling to himself, decked out in clown gear and all. Most people would have not even spared him a second glance. Anyone there was mostly down and out on their luck. And yet, you found yourself making your way towards the sad, lonely clown.

Curse your bleeding heart and all for pouring itself out to the broken and downtrodden.

-

Your back slid down the glass of the telephone box and you sat on the ground, tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill over. You pulled your knees up to your chest and hugged them against you harshly.

-

"Hey," you piped up. The man jerked upright and looked at you, your voice startling him. "Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." You hurriedly apologised. 

"It's okay." He cleared his throat. "Can I help you?"

Right. "Uh," you looked around before continuing, "May I sit here?" He looked around the place, mimicking your actions. The Diner was mostly empty, save for the two of you and the bored-looking waitress manning the counter. Of all places? With him?

"Sure, go ahead." He motioned for you to sit across him before he looked back down to his mug of coffee, avoiding your gaze. He hadn't touched it since the waitress had set it down in front of him.

"You gonna drink that?" You pointed to the white mug. His coffee seemed to be getting cold. He lifted his head up to look at you.

"No." He paused. "Do you want it? You can have it." He slowly pushed it over to your side of the table.

"Oh- no, it's okay!" You hurriedly turned down his offer. He was probably going through a rough patch right now. You didn't want to impose on him. But you couldn't possibly have left him alone, either. "Thank you, though." You smiled at his gesture. That was nice of him- to offer you something when it seemed like he didn't have much for himself, much less anymore to give away. "So um," you took a look around the place again, the light buzzing of neon lights and jukebox music the only ambient sounds you got in return. You inhaled and 'tsk'-ed. "Y' come 'ere often?" Real cliché, but what else were you supposed to say?

The man hummed before he spoke softly, "No, not really. I only come here when I'm... when I..." He seemed to be at a loss. You patiently waited for him to finish his sentence. A few chuckles escaped him. You exhaled amusedly, the ends of your lips quirking up in a smile. Need you really ask? You were in Gotham, for Heaven's sake! Anyone in this part of town was really only here because they had nowhere else to go and could go nowhere else either. Plus, to wind up in a Diner like this... your surroundings pretty much told you everything you needed to know about the other's situation. But then, he suddenly lifted both his arms and folded them over his face, burying his mouth into the crooks of his elbows. His body started shaking badly, alarming you as you quickly stood up and leaned over the table towards him. Something was clearly wrong with him.

You reached a hand out to him and asked, "Hey, are you oka-" You were interrupted with his raucous cackling that became amplified by the enclosed area of the Diner. Looking in the waitress' direction frantically, your wide eyes were met with irked ones as she shot you two a glare, signifying her annoyance with his loud laughter before she haughtily sauntered back into the kitchen. Something felt off about his laughter. He couldn't possibly have found your situations 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 funny. And besides- upon closer inspection- he looked like he was 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯. Totally at a loss of what to do, you simply stared at him dumbstruck. You wanted to help him so badly. He looked like he was having a terrible time. Try as you might, you couldn't quite understand what was happening with him, eventually only being able to liken his outburst to that of a panic attack. So you resorted to trying to calm him down the same way you would have with a friend who had one. "Hey, hey, hey," you spoke softly. "Look at me," His panicked eyes met yours. "Look at me," you inhaled loudly as you put both your hands in front of you, palms facing him. "We got this, okay? We got this. I gotcha. Breathe with me." You breathed in loudly again, your hands and shoulders lifting as you did so and lowering as you breathed out. He didn't follow- he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 follow- his laughter snatching his breath away as he gasped desperately, choking on his forceful howling while trying to stave off any upcoming cackles. You tried again. You didn't know this guy. Heck, you barely spoke a line or two to him before this whole ordeal happened. But you couldn't help it. He just looked so pitiful and you just 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to be there for him. So you breathed in again. Through your mouth this time so he could better hear you over his laughter and pace his breathing with yours.

-

You breathed in shakily, your body starting to tremble. A sob wracked through you. You choked down a heavy exhale and rapidly blinked the tears away.

Then another sob. You sniffed hard.

And another. You covered your mouth with a hand to stifle your whimpers.

Before you knew it, you had begun full out crying in the telephone booth. You refused to believe it. You couldn't believe it.

-

"Sorry. I'm so sorry about that." The man wheezed as he slowly calmed down from his laughing fit. Your breathing grew quieter as he said that. He was heaving as he lifted his head back up to you once again, the worry apparent in his eyes. He strained his neck as he gulped forcefully. "I have-" A chuckle. "I have a condi-" A few softer chuckles. "I have a condition." He gasped for breath. You stared at him expectantly as he searched through his pockets and fished out a card, handing it over to you. He was on the brink of another fit, it seemed, as he started gripping at his throat and continued to make strained efforts to gulp, occasionally choking on the lump in his throat.

"Forgive my Laughter: I have a Condition." You mumbled as you read the card. You flipped the laminated card to the back, arching a brow as you processed what it said. "Neurological condition, huh...." You muttered to no one in particular. You passed the card back to him. So it 𝘸𝘢𝘴 an attack of sorts after all. Your heart broke for this poor man. "You feeling better now?" You asked gently, careful not to induce another attack. The man inhaled unsteadily for a few moments more before nodding.

"I'm so sorry." He bowed his head and cleared his throat. He bent down to pick up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. Your head followed him, moving frenziedly as your eyes followed his line of actions. 

"Woah, woah, where're you goin'?" You piped up. Was he leaving already? You hardly spoke to him at all! He shuffled past the doors of the Diner and you adamantly trailed behind him. "Wait, don't go yet!" Why were you calling out to him? Was it out of curiosity for the strange man? Why did it matter to you that you had to find out just what he was going through or even get to know him at all? Should you continue chasing after him? What if people get the wrong impression? A million thoughts ran through your head as you continued your pursuit. 

Oh, but those eyes. Those poor, soulful eyes. You realized then and remembered now. They called out to anyone who looked into them- they called out to you- begging for anyone to see, for him to be seen. But now he was running away. Away from you, when you were all too willing to pay him the attention he so desperately needed.

What the hell, this was the saddest clown you've seen yet.

You continued after him. He had scurried down the dimly-lit alleyway round the corner. By now, you were starting to pant from exhaustion. Goodness, for a man of such lithe form he's got a lot of power in him. You were glad when he finally decided to give it a rest and slowed down before he rested against some wooden crates.

"Why," he panted, "Why are you following me?" You heard the caution in his meek voice. Oh no. The last thing you needed right now was for him to think you were a creep.

"It's-It's not what you think! I didn't mean to stalk you, I swear! It's just..." you trailed off upon catching his questioning gaze, albeit in the dark, "...it's just... I 𝘴𝘦𝘦 you." What a strange thing to say. Did he get it? Did he get what you meant? Your plea was met with a long silence. You slowly approached him, growing more anxious with each passing moment that the man stayed quiet.

"I had a bad day." He finally confessed. Now you felt bad. You knew that people who ended up in the Diner never really had anything good going on for them at that point in time, but you felt bad for somewhat goading him into telling you this. You felt like you've pried too much.

You finally came face-to-face with the clown again. "I'm sorry to hear that. A-and I'm sorry for following you and for making you tell me." You stuttered. "But I had to know. You just seemed so... 𝘴𝘢𝘥." You admitted with a hint of sorrow in your voice. Ah, but what could have been expected of an empath like you? Whose fault was it but yours to love so unconditionally and feel so strongly that even a stranger's unhappiness would manifest as your own? He lifted his head to look at you for the umpteenth time that day. His face remained stoic but his eyes were glazed over with gratitude. So lonely was he that when a stranger offered a listening ear, his heart would swell with happiness. You decided to introduce yourself if he was going to pour his heart out to you this day, and so did he.

"My name's Arthur."

Those three words would seal your fate.


End file.
